Tea Battles

A daily battle is underway in nearly every household in Britain.

In some homes it is a battle that is barely noticed; in some it is a loud and angry fight that no bystander can ignore.

we refer of course to the battle know as ‘whose turn it is to make the tea’.

It is not as straight forward as finding out who made it last time. That doesn’t account for factors such as who is most tired, who is most comfy or who fancies a cuppa most.

We have been fighting this battle for many years now and have come up with some strategic pointers to help you gain the upper hand and avoid having to assume the role of ‘kettle boiler’.

1. Huff, puff and yawn loudly. This will make your opponent pity you and begin to believe that you are too tired to make the tea.

2. If asked ‘how are you?’ or ‘did you have a good day?’ reply with a melancholic sigh. your opponent will recognise this as a symptom of tea withdrawal and will most likely aim at rectifying this with a brew.

3. When your opponent stands up make sure you get really comfy on the sofa. Snuggle down, curl up and cover yourself with a blanket if necessary. Only the most heartless of challengers would ever insist you leave such an oasis of comfort to make the tea.

4. if none of the above work start with the subliminal noises. Begin with quiet sipping sounds before progressing to loud slurping noises. This will make your opponent crave a cuppa so intensely that they are bound to give in and offer to make you a cup and you will be victorious.

good luck.


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